Advent Calendar Dec 16: Sibelius, Symphony 2, Barbirolli

High Time We Allow Ourselves To Be Transported To Beauty More Real Than What They Tell Us Is Reality

I’m sorry yesterday’s Advent was missed.

I became violently ill yesterday evening—just as I had decided, and told the publisher, that the manuscript would be delivered in precisely 6 hours.

It’s a book (Dr. James Thorp’s) about how they decided to give pregnant women the most toxic substance ever injected into humans. The babies die, and die, and die.

What’s getting to me the worst is how the unborn babies must have felt being poisoned by something so synthetic and alien. To have that experience in the womb? They must have wondered who had betrayed them, why it felt like that, it was not supposed to feel like that, to be a growing fetus in the womb.

I’ve wanted to throw up for a long time, but instead I went numb.

Why did all these greedy, sociopathic Covid vaccine demons get their way?

Why couldn’t anybody have stopped them, like Frances Oldham Kelly blocked Thalidomide?

That strange mix of out of body disgust and total numbness at the same time—we all know it well.

***

I was freezing. It’s actually very cold here. (Granada, Spain.)

I got myself to the apothecary and bought activated charcoal, which usually works but didn’t work, this time.

My son Jeremy came over and felt an overwhelming relief, that he was here.

In between runs to the bathroom, we sat up in bed and watched a Netflix documentary about Bobby Kennedy and the Civil Rights movement.

We got a call from the States: My sister Bibi brought a Christmas tree to my stepmother Sara’s nursing home in Torrington, CT, and sang Christmas carols in her room, and my stepmother was laughing and happy.

I got up regularly to keep vomiting and was amazed how scary I sounded, like a loud primordial creature— some kind of mountain lion. The body does what it needs to.

Today I was weak and empty. Slept and slept.

Jeremy came back today, and brought me coconut water and Jamón Ibérico.

I was so happy to see him.