In Memory of Richard Wayne Battams, Arby, To Us
Jan 23, 1956-Jan 24, 2022
I’m human, made in God’s image (and possess love and compassion and a thirst for justice) and I don’t want to live in a world that is hellish for millions, whether or not my little pocket of the world is comfy. I always wanted to live long enough to see Armageddon. I now see that I sort of did.
We knew him as Arby, his chosen online name. Last night, his family notified us that Richard Wayne Battams, ended his life on Jan 24.
In his eyes, I see light.
Some of you may have seen this, last night, in the comments section,
Amannda Hebert
‘Im very sorry reply on here to you all it is with great sadness to share that he did take his own life early jan 24 2022 .Our family is grieving beyond words and we appreciate all your concerns and kind words RIP.’
It was kind of his family to let us know, in the midst of their own grief.
Arby had detailed his decision to end his life in this writing, titled It’s Time For Me To Rest.
Thank you Rob Kraft, for bringing this to my attention. I was very far away in my own labyrinths, and had no idea Arby had written this. I also, having read his farewell letter carefully, accept that he did not wish to be stopped.
On behalf of all of us here, if Richard’s family is reading this, we are very sorry for your loss.
Suicide is rampant since “Covid,” which is a very massive, indescribably dangerous spiritual attack. It seeks to violently strip men of their worth. (I said “men” for reasons I could maybe explain another time.)
Arby was highly intelligent, which can itself be a death sentence, for a man like he was. The duel is between the lie and the man who demands the lie be acknowledged.
I believe Arby miscalculated something, but it is not for me to insist another person should “hold out hope” inside a pattern over a lifetime they perceive as hopeless. I never did understand why this apartment situation felt so insurmountable to him.
I don’t understand Canada.
In any case, he’s gone. It doesn’t seem real but it is.
I decided to find and publish a poem, for Arby, to send him off to what I hope is a place of joy and freedom. That does not mean I see it all that simplistically. It is better if we never kill ourselves and yet some people, it seems, do see suicide as a very important friend. A last and only friend, way out.
I want to be very clear how opposed I am to suicide, while at the same time, that I have compassion for those who make the heartbreaking choice, concluding that there is no other choice.
Arby, we miss you, and we hope you are better, in less pain. Thank you for spending what turned out to be many of your last hours on earth, in our company. I will, in your memory, learn to use quotation marks.
This poems is for you, by Tomas Tranströmer, from whom the name “The Truth Barrier” was borrowed.
From the collection För Levande Och Döda, 1989
“For The Living And The Dead”
Oh my goodness, Celia, this cracked my heart open. I only just met Arby on January 21 when he left a thoughtful and lengthy comment on one of my posts (https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/letter-to-a-colluder-stop-enabling/comments#comment-4607405). I was so mired in deadlines, I wasn’t able to respond until January 25—which I discovered was after he departed 😭💔🥀
I then recalled another comment (https://celiafarber.substack.com/p/words-from-the-front-spanish-police/comments#comment-4607410) he had made to me at one of your posts, Celia, and I *did* manage to reply to him that same day, thankfully. I know it doesn’t matter to him now, but I’m grateful I at least made that minute connection with him before he ended his life.
He did not seem at all suicidal. It sounds like he made this decision soberly, but it is devastating nevertheless when someone makes that irreversible choice.
Thank you for letting us know, Celia. Please convey my heartfelt condolences to Richard’s family. I will close with my most cherished poem in times of grief.
“Love Abides”
by Barbara Pescan
Often we are found in our grief and comforted
calmed by some kindness
brought alive again by beauty
that catches us undefended.
Even when the sun is most thin and far
even at the hour the storm is at its height
we can go through
renewal nests within sorrow
love abides, even beyond anger, beyond death.
We are held in an embrace invisible but infinite
moving with all creation
between wholeness and fragmentation
moving always toward the one.
Small joys and great sorrows pass
and we, with steps uncertain, move on
to whatever is next
but continually seen, heard, held
by Life infinite and remote, intimate and abiding.
Love, do not let us go. Amen.
Sent from my LG Mobile
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dave Williams <davidwthethird@hotmail.com>
Date: Jan. 27, 2022 9:04 p.m.
Subject: Arby
To: celiafarber@substack.com
Cc:
Hi there Celia this is Rick Battams nephew David Williams. You have been in contact with my wife Amannda and i through her email and now i write to you through mine. I wanted to thank you for all your efforts and heartfelt words and sincere concern for my uncle. When we found your post it was very heart wrenching seeing all the different peoples concern for my uncle. He and I were very close and im beside myself with anguish and questions along with rest of the family he left behind. As is Often the case when something like this happens. It closes the door completely and that is calculated. And in my uncles case... He wanted that he was Very calculated... He felt the world was against him. The mandates brought forward by our govt put him and so many others right now... Being an antivaxxer or so the propaganda goes etc... Into what he saw as an impossible spot. A no way out situation. Having to live outside in the middle of winter was Terrifying to him. More so than death. He lost his job as a result of not getting vaccinated and that snowballed and culminated into him losing his home and all else that goes with it. Yes there was some tough love from the family but in normal times we all just push through and move on. This covid era of govt control has us all jumping through fiery hoops and he just would Not conform to something he did not believe in. I get it... we had great lengthy talks all the time on the subject and had similar thoughts on it all and his intelligence and passion shone through when he was all in on a subject. But it was his dedication to finally being heard that really finished his life off in the end. Lashing out at family who have always been there for him was just his way of keeping the anger up he needed to go through with his plan. I understand that now. None of us had Any inkling about this plan either i will add. And that was also on purpose. He didnt want to be stopped. I could go on about all that but I just cant its all too hard... I finish off with another outpooring of thanks and gratitude to all those that cared. Thank you Celia... Keep reaching out to those in need... You are an amazing person!!!!
... And Finally
To: My wonderful amazing uncle. So kind and such a big heart... So intelligent and full of wisdom and logic and Love. I Love you!!!... Your family Loves you!!!... With all our hearts!!! I hope you have found your peace. Always in our hearts...
Uncle Rick.
Sent from my LG Mobile
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