I know exactly what you mean, Celia. I married into a family of cagey folk, and I came from a family of them. In fact, as Alice Miller pointed out, most of us are parented in ways that keep us living in fear, and cagey people are afraid. If I am guessing correctly, the specific cagey people you have in mind are afraid of making a mistake and looking like fools, so they simply will not commit to ANYTHING that cannot be "proven" to their satisfaction. Therefore, when you try to share with them something that you've found to be important, chances are they question you, demand that you prove it, tell you you're crazy, come up with a half-dozen ways to "show" that you're wrong, or just insult you.
Caginess is a trauma response that protects from shame and scorn. Cagey people are afraid to swim against the crowd, especially in matters where the cognitive dissonance is strongest: they shut out anything that goes against the narrative that rules their lives and keeps them safe.
This, too, makes sense. After all, we are most sensitive to, and protect most fiercely, those wounds that hurt the most. To an aware observer, these hurts are glaring, because they are the ones that get protected most compulsively, and often, they are the ones that get ruthlessly inflicted on others.
That's the post. that's it. It's very short. It's just a statement.
I know exactly what you mean, Celia. I married into a family of cagey folk, and I came from a family of them. In fact, as Alice Miller pointed out, most of us are parented in ways that keep us living in fear, and cagey people are afraid. If I am guessing correctly, the specific cagey people you have in mind are afraid of making a mistake and looking like fools, so they simply will not commit to ANYTHING that cannot be "proven" to their satisfaction. Therefore, when you try to share with them something that you've found to be important, chances are they question you, demand that you prove it, tell you you're crazy, come up with a half-dozen ways to "show" that you're wrong, or just insult you.
Caginess is a trauma response that protects from shame and scorn. Cagey people are afraid to swim against the crowd, especially in matters where the cognitive dissonance is strongest: they shut out anything that goes against the narrative that rules their lives and keeps them safe.
This, too, makes sense. After all, we are most sensitive to, and protect most fiercely, those wounds that hurt the most. To an aware observer, these hurts are glaring, because they are the ones that get protected most compulsively, and often, they are the ones that get ruthlessly inflicted on others.