71 Comments

I'm skeptical of the theory of nervous system dysregulation. But I'm giving it a chance. I have nothing to lose.

I experience often this overwhelming of the senses. Particularly glaring lights and certain smells. I react with a freezing response, usually.

Is this indicative of being neuro-diverse?

I don't know.

In the near future, maybe in less than two years, there may be an approval of ketamine and other hallucinogens. Psychiatrists will be told it is indicated now (indicated means almost the same as mandatory) to prescribe ketamine to people with the so called "major depressive disorder" among many other labels.

I'm choosing to stay away from any medication. I have sub-zero confidence. I'm a bit worried that in this totalitarian atmosphere it might become mandatory to take hallucinogens.

I can joke that one just needs one minute of TV NEWS to have all the healing hallucinatory drugs one desires.

I cannot criticize anyone if they choose to accept prescriptions, because that's their right.

And yet the devouring democratic train looks unstoppable. There will be more coercion for those who resist. People will try to make the "free" decisions of many people an obligation for refuseniks. This is a great present: we will see the rise of libertarians arguing against LSD! The freedom to use drugs is the same the freedom to not use them. Neuroconvergent people who suffer from the vice of institutional thinking obviously cannot accept this freedom. Every action has to be approved or denied, but never chosen freely.

To me it is very important now to separate self-care from politics. I would advice to any therapist who proposes this theory to keep it well separated from anything political. I don't think I'm the only one who runs away from anything that sounds political. Today, using political words like "resilience" or "challenge" is the best way to undermine any therapy. This is it: why patients disappear and refuse to comply with treatments? because the therapists use the same words as the enemy.

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Everybody will benefit from being a friend, growing vegetables and riding a bike regularly, but

THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO SHOULD NEVER DROP ACID.

Really, they might kill themselves to get out of the bad-trip.

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Or walking, or hiking, anything that moves the body and gets one back into their body and “out of their heads”. 💓🙏🏻

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🎯

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"Neuro-convergent people who suffer from the vice of institutional thinking obviously cannot accept... freedom". this sums up my experience trying to talk to the covid-convergent mindless slobs being destroyed from within by appetities manufactured for them by big-ag, big-drug, big... it really is worse than either Orwell or Huxley imagined, due to the revenue streams and attendent disneyfication — that's where Anthony Burgess comes in, with the surrealist Clockwork Orange, updated version of cynical dystopia.

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Covid-convergent👍👍👍🤣

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Nearly everything out there is politics in one form or another, mate. How are you gonna get out from under that?

I have muted smarmy partisan politics and politician's sensationalism/hype/hysteria from all the presidential candidates and the myriad wanna be office holders, including even RFK who is the only one whose messages sound like they still might have been written by him.

But avoiding the barrage is nearly impossible except for those who choose literally to live in the wilderness.

The controllers are slick. They know the expedient effect is that many citizens will disengage not just from this overwhelm but abdicate entirely from the events in the world.

A friend has been telling me since we've gotten reacquainted that he shuns politics. So many people like he believe that the electoral circus and acrimony in D.C. is the sum total of politics.

What a luxury that would be but for one like myself who wants to grasp how the world is run, to find countermeasures such as reinvigorating our Constitution that we may one by one raise our voices in sufficient numbers to salvage this society and world from an otherwise dystopian future that our grandkids would inherit.

The politics behind the murders of both innocent Muslims and Jews I won't ignore. The politics of food I won't ignore, and on and on. The list is seemingly endless.

John Day's and Frontiera Lupita's advice is a good place to start. Stay in motion. Be outdoors. Connect to/with our Earth. IMO, chronic indoor living correlates with inferior mental health.

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Appreciate your standpoint and curiosity here. And wanted to say I have used ketamine both in-clinic with an MD and therapist, and at home una self-guided setting. I had zero psychedelic experience so chose a clinical setting for my first forays. Working with ketamine in both ways has been a complete game changer in getting to know myself on levels previously hidden or obstructed by trauma, particularly early childhood/familial trauma. I’ve since sat with other psychedelics, in communal ceremonial retreat settings, well curated for safety and integrity, with great effect in remembering the healing power of co-regulation. As a person with c-ptsd and fully locked into the ego-avatar mind/personality prior to psychedelics I can’t even describe all that has opened to me since starting this life work of self discovery with the aid of psychedelics in this brief comment. I did two years of research about psychedelics and trauma before starting, and have been unpacking myself for 2 1/2 years since beginning with ketamine (I still work with ketamine regularly through Joyous on a regular basis and will continue as long as it remains legal and affordable). The process has been life changing. That being said, there is a ton of self-work and integration that has to occur along with just “taking the medicines” to achieve greatest result. Ketamine does not do the work for you, although it does create new neural pathways that will be maintained and expanded as one delves into new ways and new practices (anything “mindfulness related) and eventual becomes to the level of a new unconscious competence, but must be attended as though ketamine planted the seeds and you have become the gardener, the nourisher, the nutrient provider, the weeder, and the tender of your own garden. However I don’t believe psychedelics are mandatory or necessary to achieve these goals, I do believe they can speed up the process greatly. For me, it’s a life-changing journey and I am forever grateful to the availability of both ketamine and also all other plant medicines (there are hundreds, not all are even psychedelics such as blue lotus and cacao). Staying within your comfort zone is key in your process, while slightly pushing your edges. There is no silver bullet, only care and persistence. Finding safe community online has also been key for me in addition to safe in-person groups. Communal support has incredible ripples in all directions. In my experience nervous system disregulation is not only real, but everything. Irene Lyon is the most fabulous resource I have found in this space, also her mentors Peter Levine and Kathy Kain. Gabor Mate speaks to trauma and psychedelic therapy in profound ways as well. Best to you on your journey of self-discovery!

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I don't know how to make this short, to point, my stunning realization these past months ,has been this awareness, acceptance, my trauma, unrealized and shoved down, is the cause of my painful life, and I'm 73, , then I see this. At same time I feel better about me. I think it may be beginning healing. It's a realization that stuns one. Thank you, it is helpful.

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As a person of your same age(72) I feel that once I moved into my 70’s I felt a ‘shift’ for me. Most definitely a physical one, but emotionally as well. Over the past two years, I came to realize the ‘patterns’ in my relationships (with mother, friends, lovers) and how being attracted or involved with certain types of people, was no longer serving me. I meditated and I learned what all that was about for me, and I consciously did releasing rituals on significant Full and New Moon cycles. I wrote down how their behavior had affected me and that I now ‘released and ‘blessed’ them as well as myself from these “patterns”.

I rolled what I wrote up in a scroll like way, tied it with a red ribbon, and burned it outside in my backyard fire pit. I started to feel the effects of this release within weeks.

I also wrote affirmations of what I now want in my life, and I read them every night before going to sleep. And when a new version of them comes into my mind, I rewrite them. This ‘ritual’ has been very helpful for me.

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I can relate, as so many of us can. When we're young we try to cope, to fit in, self medicate in one way or another, until later in life when so many opportunities have been missed and life has almost passed us by, we realize that we have unconfronted traumas. There are so many of us!

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This really resonated with me! It is not a disorder. God designed us perfectly to survive in this fallen world. I also choose to use my "PTSD" for good. Thank you Celia for the encouragement. I feel less lonely at this moment. I would love to read the piece you wrote yesterday.

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YES: We are reacting to a very cruel, narcissistic and unfair culture. Corporate culture is THE WORST. And then that ugly culture has branched off into every facet of every type of job, and into our very social lives. No wonder we feel traumatized.

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I am completely with you, Celia. Thanks for this and I look forward to reading your piece, and more. I've been 'working on myself' for decades (am about to hit 74) and this totally resonated: 'I spent my last $370, grasping at something that failed to even explain to me that spending your last $370 on anything is a trauma symptom.' I've done this so many times. I've been called a 'workshop junkie' but my brain would latch on to the hype and my craving for, as you say 'a place looming so close, where everything would be sparklingly resolved, injustices set right, wounds healed, life begun.' That place is alway just one more workshop, course, meditation program - and hundreds or even thousands of dollars - away.

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Valerie this is such a big theme for so many of us. Not theme, actually a form of scam and scandal, how many people were happy to take our money and knew perfectly well we were too traumatized to know what we were paying for. But anger won't help. I hope you saw the Anna Runkle video I posted after this post. I don't want to put too much pressure on her but I really think she has GOT IT. And so do we. Sending you a hug.

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Yes, thanks for sharing that, I just signed up for the free course. If it involves writing, I'll do it (executive dysfunction, procrastination) as I've been doing morning pages for over a year now and obsessive journalling. I'm more angry with myself than with the coaches etc. In my case only last year, after spending a fortune on courses and coaching, I realised I had (what they call) ADHD which was basically why none of it worked for me. (The 'symptoms' of ADHD overlap to a great extent with CPTSD.) And then there's the ancestral trauma, layer upon layer, generation to generation... the key to creating 'the more beautiful world' is to release all this trauma. Tons to discuss! BTW how are the kittens? Hugs from Barcelona.

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As a person of your same age(72) I feel that once I moved into my 70’s I felt a ‘shift’ for me. Most definitely a physical one, but emotionally as well. Over the past two years, I came to realize the ‘patterns’ in my relationships (with mother, friends, lovers) and how being attracted or involved with certain types of people, was no longer serving me. I meditated, prayed, asked for help from my guides and angels, and I learned what all that was about for me. (In the end our ‘becoming’ is truly an ‘inside job’, not necessarily found through the ‘teachings’ of others.) I consciously did releasing rituals on significant Full and New Moon cycles. I wrote down how their behavior had affected me and that I now ‘released and ‘blessed’ them as well as releasing myself from these “patterns”. I took charge of my own healing.

I rolled what I wrote up in a scroll like way, tied it with a red ribbon, and burned it outside in my backyard fire pit. I started to feel the effects of this release within weeks.

I also wrote affirmations of what I now want in my life, and I read them every night before going to sleep. And when a new version of them comes into my mind, I rewrite them. This ‘ritual’ has been very helpful for me.

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Thanks for sharing this. I'm glad it worked for you. I feel I've been doing all this forever. Maybe I will try this although dare not burn the papers in a fifth floor apartment!

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Thank you, Celia! I needed this today. Really struggling at my job not to go into dysregulation because of being put in scapegoat status (sound familiar?).

"I have understood that the constant beach combing for “truth” is (at one level) yet another quasi-masochistic form of self-sabotage people with “PTSD” will be drawn to." THIS. I lost my home once because I was so obsessed with dog rescue (and other social activism, like veganism) that I couldn't keep up with work. I self-sabotage. I take on too much of what's going on around me.

This realization caused me to stop being a vegan, get out of rescue, and focus on me. But as stated above, it is VERY difficult to deal with cruel people because of the trauma triggers that still plague me. Am I a wimp? Nope. I am not afraid to delve into the most difficult tasks or deal with the most difficult people. But in corporate culture, this is why I get treated like crap: I am willing to take on too much. So they pile stuff on me and act shocked when I tell them I'm overloaded and say something about it. This is probably a huge issue with many of us who are trying to work through our trauma (still! It takes a lifetime for some of us), and very difficult to navigate.

I absolutely hate feeling like a victim and being in a victim mindset, which is where trauma tends to put me. I'm so glad you are writing about this.

God bless you, Celia.

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It is absolutely fine to retire from dog rescuing, Marie Rose. Indeed, it is necessary to do so when it threatens to overwhelm your existence. But that said, I think you did a great thing in helping to rescue all those dogs.

Your compassion and empathy for the suffering of others and your urge to relieve it does you credit. And I say the same about Celia's cat rescuing efforts.

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Thank you, Tim. It is good to know I made a big difference in some doggie lives. Including the "foster fails" I have who are 15.5 years old!

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Given that everything appears to target the mind and create trauma, the only rational response is to consider the traumatized mind first. You are on the money.

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Thank you A.M. I love how you put it.

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have you guys followed margaret anna alice's dialogue with meredith miller? super apropos https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/dissident-dialogues-meredith-miller-1-4

fwiw tessa lena says it's time we let go of the victim mindset, let's just take control and start manifesting the world we want to see replacing all this madness

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And this is my 3d comment but this speaks so loudly to me, Celia: I believe we're on the same path, and experienced very similar trauma in childhood. We're also around the same age (I'm 61) and even though I went to therapy like 25 years ago, for awhile, it really did nothing, because I didn't understand all this. Now I do, but feel it's only the tip of the iceberg.

I look forward to coming with you on this journey as you write about it - which is the best thing (maybe besides meditation and a plethora of other tools).

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Mary Rose, I am really happy to be next to you as we go through this forest, and everybody else here, who seems to suddenly be having this "aha" moment. I will write more soon—have to get up at dawn for a trip to Malaga but please don't think I am vanishing. I am truly hopeful, for every one of us, and it's going to be amazing when we get further along. Keep the joy.

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Thank you for your thoughtful response, Celia. More "aha" moments to follow, that is for sure. I am working towards keeping the joy (and reading C.S. Lewis is helping!). xox

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I’m a fan of anything which brings clarity. Thank you Celia.

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I'm in!

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In his book “ The indoctrinated brain” Michael Nehls explains how PTSD, in both the known variant post traumatic stress, and in the not so much talked about pre traumatic stress, PTSD causes the hippocampus to shrink, thereby damaging the ability to store and retrieve memories. He talks about the pre traumatic stress caused by constant messaging about coming pandemics and a coming climate hell. When fear causes the hippocampus to shrink instead of growing as it is supposed to your whole life, these overblown fear messages overwrites. old index neurons, thereby making it harder to find old memories and think in light of old experience. The result is that the constant fear mongering makes you dumber. The mechanism is a shrinking hippocampus. A book worth reading.

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Yes! A good read. It helps to understand the parts of the brain and their functions. I’ve been looking into that for years and preservation of brain function.

Circadian rhythm stabilisation helps too. The work of Dr Jack Kruse on that front is enlightening.

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Medical Orgone Therapy helped me a lot, as did reawakening my relationship with a higher power.

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This book was really useful to me (the "emotionally immature" in the title is an understatement):

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents, Lindsay C Gibson

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I'm in too. I don't remember any specific childhood trauma. (But my dad was a yeller with often unpredictable rises to anger. And my parents fought a lot.) But recent trauma has put me in a tailspin and I really want to change.

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Also, one thing I have done is subscribe to Roger McFillin's substack and started going through his 30 day mindset shift. I got to Day 6 and then started procrastinating but it seemed to be helping me.

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Oct 15
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It is work for sure.

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Is all life now suffering from the trauma of GOD's creation? I too shall experiment, and abstain from using the word "healing". In addition (to those alternate descriptors), I will add, "digesting" and "metabolizing". Trauma Autophagy! Thanks for sharing.

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I like “digesting”.

A Canadian Grandma

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Wow! I truly agree with where you’re coming from! I read Alice Miller’s “Drama of the Gifted Child”years ago and have been fearlessly looking at my childhood traumas related to my adulthood patterns of response to the world. I find it makes me more compassionate with myself and others. Can’t wait to read what you wrote yesterday.

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Celia - have you ever watched "The Crappy Childhood Fairy" on YouTube? She's pretty amazing.

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