When The Body Just Goes Weird

I have been thinking about how to address this. I had a return of my symptoms 2 days ago. I’d like to be able to not block off what is happening but also not draw much energy or attention to it. Nobody can solve it, or really do anything. But it helps me to think out loud.

I feel like I am no longer on any known map of my own body, like everything is just so alien.

My skin feels like it has dry ice beneath it; My bones hurt, every cell hurts, my stomach lining feels like a bruise, and I haven’t had any appetite in weeks. I can chew and swallow but I can’t understand why I’m doing it exactly. Now, as of an hour ago, I have an ear infection, which is unheard of. I feel like microscopic, I don’t know, little things, are crawling on my skin and scalp, and now and again, the feeling of a giant sledgehammer hitting me on the side of my head joins the whole experience, then goes away again. Arms are once again centers of pain—upper arms.

I don’t want to open this up to a dialogue about healing modalities even though I know everybody is full of love as well as profound knowledge here. But this is something that has transcended everything, including: A fast, the best nutrition, every imaginable detox remedy, for weeks on end, it only gets worse.

If I tell the story of how much money I got rid of chasing feeling better I will be in a bad mood and you will think I’m an idiot.

I just keep thinking: “None if it matters.” And really, it doesn’t.

One good thing I did this morning was I tried to listen to Wim Hof again and put my shoulders and later, head, under really cold water. I did feel better.

Before I got sick, I was getting into Wim Hof, both the breathing and the cold showers and I felt great.

My old friend Tom DiFerdinando has just shown up like a miracle next to my lawn chair. He drove 4 hours to get here, to see if he could help me.

He is a pain, injury, trauma therapist—Reich influenced.

I will write again hopefully later tonight.